I swear, it's like a double-edged sword. Live with the spouse you don't want to be with and constantly be reminded of why you'd rather chew your own leg off or live on your own so you don't actually walk around with a peg leg and feel like What the Fuck but then interact with said spouse and proceed to start chewing on your leg. Seriously, there's not enough Valium in the world.
Tonight was a Carb-Load dinner for league champs the next 2 days. Is it a big deal? Nope, not so much. I make plans to have drinks with a friend and fellow mom beforehand like anyone who may live a normal life would do should they have the time. No harm, no foul. Don't rush me, I see where you're tracking and I will get there!! Plans are made (we won't discuss the fact that said friend stood me up...haha, it's okay GF, you had legit reason) ... then spousal canker sore asks if we can go all together as a family. Totally normal question. I reply that I have already made plans to meet another mom for a drink beforehand. "Who is the mom, out of curiosity?" I reply with the name and his response is, "Is it just meeting up or are you setting up [for the dinner] cuz I will help." Like you've volunteered to help the last 15.75 years which has been....um, never!! NOW you want to help? Give me fucking break. I reply, nope... just hanging out. Wait for this...."Well, I think for school functions we should arrive as a family."
This is particularly rich because spouse has never been bothered to attend school functions big or small EVER!!! In almost 16 years of our son's life, he has attended birth, baptism, kindergarten graduation, dad & son donut breakfast (I swear he went for the donuts but I know that's just the bitch in me),1st year of soccer games, 8th grade graduation. Everything else he has been traveling (total pass, he worked his ass off those couple of years), too busy, too tired, too pissed, too high (legal Rx), too drunk or too much of a prick. For 15 years I made excuses until our son finally said, "Why do you keep making excuses? If it's important enough to him he does whatever it takes to make it happen even if he spends the next couple days throwing up. It's just never for me." How's that for a reality check?
I admit to feeling a twinge of guilt because I'm trying to make this whole life spasm as easy for him as possible. SUE ME!!! Seriously don't. I pay child support and 2x week counselling for spouse to help him through this ordeal...I can't afford anything else. I will probably chew your damn leg off. Back on topic. I choose not to reply to his last comment because, honestly, what I have to say will not help his ego or my cause to proceed as angst-free as possible. GUESS WHAT??? I get a call later that he will drop son off and have his food to go because he hasn't slept and doesn't feel well. What actually happens is he drops our son off and comes into the bar to tell me that he is not even staying a little bit, he's leaving and if I bring him food nice but not something he's counting on. I'm actually happy not to have to sit around looking at his brooding face that is looking for a slight that I may inadvertently dish out.
Then I come to MY apartment which is now my home and read a message asking how much money he can expect from me this week because he paid his counselor $100 and needs me to cover that.
How much is your freedom worth?
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