Macrame Is NOT Art

4 weeks since I moved out of the house.  Weird mixed feelings.  It's nice having my own space and anything and everything I do is really based on what I need done.  Obviously I have a child so some things are totally NOT about me.  But let's not split hairs.  I like being alone and I'm super good at tuning people and noise out but I gotta say that the ongoing aloneness is strange.  I think 15 years of marriage and having a child has permanently disrupted my peacefulness at being completely alone.  I'm not really on board with that scenario.  I LOVE alone time, what the fuck, now I'm l-o-n-e-l-y??  Life really sucks small weenies at times like this.


As times goes on, I have had my share of doubts and Oh-My-Gawd-What-The-Hell-Was-I-Thinking moments.  Let's face it, walking away from a life of knowns to the unknown and what could potentially be gawd awful is creepy scary.  I miss my dogs, but not their hair, I miss seeing my son whenever I want, I miss my house, I miss the noise and the comfortable boredom that is part of family life.  I have great friends old and new that support me on this non-journey (more on that later) and one even remarked how what I was experiencing must feel pretty damn empowering.  The word empowering makes me think of macrame and that's just wrong.  Sorry hippy macrame lovers.  Actually, as the adrenaline rush of the audacity of my actions slowly wears off, I feel FREAKED OUT!!  Just sayin....


So back to my non-journey journey.  I do not like the word journey because I feel like a Journey album will start playing and that will just set me off and no one wants to see me twisted and FREAKED OUT.  I know, EVERYONE loves Journey.  Well, I don't.  I don't dislike them per se, I just ain't loving the feeling they evoke in me.  So no using the word journey to describe my non-journey.  Don't like the word path either.   So I'm just livin la vida loca without much of the loca.


And can I just say that apartment living is kinda fuckin loud!!