Pull the Trigger

Going gun shopping this weekend and just did my toes tonight so I'm all set.  GUN?!  Yeah, I'm a closet gun-toting bitch.  So many things will be revealed oh-so-slow-ly.  

This week has been excruciating and has tested my patience, not to mention my self-control so I wouldn't end up on the 5 o'clock news for going FUCKING PSYCHO on my husband who refuses to shut-the-hell-up ALREADY!!  How can a human being spend 45 minutes talking about a 2 minute topic?  This is not kicking a dead horse; this was a full on let me look up what kind of horse I'm interested in then evaluate the pros & cons then I'm gonna talk the poor horse to DEATH then I'll spend time determining whether the horse is actually dead then I'll start kicking the horse then we can discuss the merits of whether I should have picked a different animal.  SHOOT ME!!  Just thinking about the number of phone calls, texts, emails and face-to-face talks I've had this week is enough to make me start shooting.  

Here's how one of the "discussions" went.  Grab a cocktail, I'm hitting the frig for a beer to talk myself off the ledge.  Okay, Blue Moon in hand (you thought I was joking??) and Teenage Wasteland is playing.  Here we go...

Insane Person:  The child told me on the way to school this morning that he would like to spend 10 days at each house instead of the 5-7.

Not Insane Person:  Hmmm.  Why do you think?

Insane Person:  blah blah blah bladdy blah blah blah (that never actually answers the fucking question, thank you very much) I don't think I can do that long whine whine whine whine (would you like some cheese to go with that irritating god-damn-mother-fuckin-cry-me-a-river-poor-me whine?)

Not Insane Person:  I agree that's kinda long for both of us right now.

Insane Person: We need to talk about this.  Do you want to meet for coffee or just come over to the house?

Not Insane Person: Umm, I'm thinking that when I come over on Friday, the 3 of us can talk so we can ask him about his reasons then you and I can make a decision.

Insane Person:  But we need to talk about this whole thing first before we talk to him.

Not Insane Person:  No, actually, we don't.  He has told us what he wants and you and I both agree that for now 10 days is just too long.  We will listen to him and let him know that we can eventually move to longer stays but right now is just too soon.

Insane Person:  So, you don't want to talk about this?

Not Insane Person: We ARE talking about it.  (are you fucking STUPID??????)

Insane Person:  Well, I think you're just putting your head in the sand.  This is pretty serious.  I knew this was going to happen.  This is the time when he will start getting into drugs, drinking, and I'm concerned that you are always so nonchalant.

Not Insane Person (who is GOING insane at this point):  Well, I understand your concerns.

And guess what?  I talked to the child.  **hang on, I'm grabbing another beer.  Landshark this time.  Different beers?  Why yes, I happen to have multiple flavors.  Of beer, wine and cocktails.  

So I talked to the child and explained that 10 days is just too long right now.  Like me, the child is NOT INSANE and simply said, "Ok. It would just be easier, more convenient but it's not a big deal."

Well, dumb ass fucking me decided to let crazy man know about the discussion, which took all of 20 seconds thank you very much!  And, you guessed it, I had another 20 minute phone call.  

I need more guns.  LOTS AND LOTS OF FUCKING GUNS.