Zits, bloating, oily skin and intense hornyness apparently has come back full circle. Thankfully, we are more secure in ourselves to not want to kill ourselves over acne, we take bloating in stride, oily skin is more youthful skin ladies and hornyness....well, that would be the upside.
I seem to be in perpetual angst now that I no longer have a sexual outlet. Fantastic timing...get super horny right about the same time I decide to leave my husband. But I have discovered that my taste in men has completely changed. Okay, not really. I just now know that what I REALLY LIKE does not need to be dangerous as long as I don't pick a fuckin' loser. That's right, I like walking on the edge and I don't like my men so prim and proper.
To be fair, I have to admit that if it hadn't been for the traditional strait-laced man I married, I probably would have ended up in jail or at least on probation. Noooo, I'm not a closet murderer, thief or drug dealer. I just had some little, bitty, itty, teensy weensy issues about personal space coupled with a very short fuse. Oh, and a complete lack of fear. And a big mouth. Yeah, you can kinda see where this might lead me to stand on the wrong side of jail bars.
But it's all good now. I actually passed a HUGE personal hurdle by going to a club this past weekend. I LOVE to dance, I HATE to dance in genres other than weddings where I pretty much know everyone. I have been thrown in the pokey a couple times and hauled out in bear hugs by bouncers plenty of times from clubs for throwing elbows and punches and beer bottles and beer mugs (my personal weapon of choice). So can you blame me for being little freaked about going to a club? At this point in my life, I don't need my son finding out that his mom was arrested for beating the shit out of someone or other. A fabulous friend told me to take deep breaths and just enjoy. So I did. I relaxed, let loose and just worked hard to ignore the personal space transgressions. It was pretty cool. I also had another fabulous friend who totally had my back and came in and pulled me out when I was surrounded by too many bodies.
One thing that has not changed is that if I ain't feeling the juice, I most definitely am not horny. After everything, I seem to be a one man woman. I just ain't good ho material! Oh, and the one man is not my husband...sorry babe! See, I knew my marriage was done when for the first time in 20 years I had the hots for someone else. Yeah, you're thinking I've been attracted or fantasized or... NOPE! None of that for just under 20 years. Now, I did have wet dreams that did not always include my husband but when the humpty-hump happened, I was not thinking or imagining anyone other than my husband. So when sex included the face of someone else, I freaked the fuck out and had a reality check.
Now, while my libido has increased exponentially, and my libido has always been quite expansive, I have been celibate since leaving home. Very Very VERY sad, believe me. But I am glad that I didn't walk away from my marriage simply to fuck around. But if I could just have a dry hump of the leg....
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